You know I think i was raised fucked up, like I when I was in high school with my cousins a teacher came in telling them that they had to leave because their dad needed to take them to the hospital, I thought to myself what going on? why do they need to go to the hospital? Turns out my grandmother (may she rest in peace) was in the hospital due to a brain aneurysm. And I had felt nothing. No sadness, no tears, nothing, emotionally absent not sure what to do or say, I didn’t know she was sent to the hospital because no one told me. I continued on like nothing happened before my dad took me and my sister to the hospital to see her. The next day, I was just doing my homework and he had asked me if I wanted to go see grandma in the hospital, i had said no because I was trying to focus on my work and he said ok but the moment he came back he had lashed out at me because I didn’t want to visit her…I wasn’t the one that said focus on your studies now, worry about whatever’s happening later, I wasn’t the one that said keep distractions out, IM NOT THE ONE THAT TALKS BACK AT A PARENT WHEN THEYRE SPEAKING. IM NOT THE ONE THAT ALMOST GOT MY SISTER (HIS DAUGHTER) FROM KILLING HERSELF.
The fuck was I born for? To be compared to other peoples children? To be bragged about to your friend when you’re black out drunk? To hear you say the same thing again and again and again when you clearly can’t remember what the hell you were saying as you’re more focused on your phone when we’re having a conversation. Hell, an argument that I hear between my sister and father makes my knees weak almost sickly.
I smile, I smile when things are tense, that not supposed to be happenning but it has happened nothing I can do about it and now you’re more focused on your second family than you are with your main family like hell.
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